he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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