a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
