So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
