I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
