Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
