our cab driver is having phone sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
