I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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