That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
