you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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