I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
