Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
