went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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