love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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