we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
