so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
