he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
