You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
