You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
