I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
