...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
