i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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