I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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