Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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