...so i touched it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
