I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
