Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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