Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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