That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
