wakey wakey hands off snakey
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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