who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
