Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think my mom watched the whole time
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
