He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
