Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
