New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
