grandma shit on top of the toilet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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