he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
