I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize