He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
