Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
