I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
