I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
