Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
