In America we eat man semen.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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