Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
