Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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