Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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