I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
