Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize