the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
