i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
