oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
