God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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