I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
