My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
