I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
