literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
