I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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