Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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