and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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