so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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