im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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