I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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