i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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