he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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