K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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