And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
