I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
