i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
