I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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