I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
