He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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