Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
