Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
