My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
