you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
