I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
