His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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