Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
