why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
