can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
