I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
