did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
