Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
