Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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