Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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