its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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