You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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