How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
