so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
