I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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